Sick...!

I am sick again! Twice in one month! Last month it was four days down with tonsillitis and now it is a killer cold. I could feel it coming last Tuesday but powered through work, training and dieting.

Did this make me more sick? Is sickness inevitable whether you rest or carry on with life?

Sunday and Monday in bed and this morning I went for a walk and am now back on the sofa. I will go back to work tomorrow as I am going to get cabin fever if I don't. I want to work out, I want to feel happy instead of this negative person that has started to question herself.

I went to the doctor on Friday as I am frustrated. Frustrated that I have not been sick for years and have now been down twice in a month. If there is something wrong with me I want to know so I can fix it. I am not the type of person to just sit and hope that things will fix themselves. I had some blood tests to check my iron and zinc levels and also my thyroid. I will get the results later today. My doctor and I ran through my diet; he is happy with what I am eating, it is healthy and is not missing anything. I am training the perfect amount; a lot less than I used to which he is happy with. It is now five days a week for 50 to 60 minutes with three to four one hour walks a week. For him to say my training and eating was not the cause of me getting sick was a relief.

I talked to Simon last night. I told him I had massive doubts about my competition. I doubt that I am good enough. I doubt that I will be able to stand up there in a bikini and heels and show (nearly) all of myself. I am not one to show off myself and deciding to enter this competition is not just about challenging myself with my training and eating it is about pushing myself to go outside my comfort zone and do something that is totally not me. Is how I am feeling normal or am I just looking for a way out? Is getting sick my body's way of telling me that I have taken on too much; working, studying, training, dieting, helping look after Simon's kids and still being me.

I have just texted Chris ::

"Tell me honestly if you think I will be ready for next month? Having doubts about myself and don't know whether it's because I am sick and was in bed all day yesterday or if it's normal to feel like this when you have set yourself a new challenge. Freaking out a bit!"

His reply ::

"Honestly I was waiting for the freak out to happen, it's natural. Your immune system should be in better shape and it is obviously a concern to me. Your health and well being is my #1 priority! Lets go over everything on Thursday and we will work things out."

So I am normal and my freak out is natural and I will relax until Thursday until we work out a plan of action.

I am looking at the positive of being home from work and this is that I have been able to make some lovely, healthy meals which I have been able to eat off a plate instead of from a tupperware pot at my desk.

rice cakes with chicken, avocado and salad

spinach omelette with ham, sweet potato & veggies

my first attempt at meatballs for Simon :: beef mince, parsley, onion, garlic & chili in tomato sauce

and my healthy version with a little olive oil & no sauce :: they fell apart but still tasted yummy

I am going to go and do my food shopping this afternoon and spend a few hours prepping my meals for the next few days. I will pack my bag ready for the gym in the morning in the hope that I feel up for it. I have the Hunger Games downloaded which I started watching yesterday and I will finish before Simon comes home later. I am resting. I am not used to resting. It feels weird!